The Truth

I'm not mad, just disappointed and feeling unimportant.

Please

Please, don't judge me.

Life

My life right now is a million questions without answers. It's a whirlwind of excitement and exhaustion. It's a facade of happy emotions and a reality of disappointments of my own making. It's a gradual build-up and an endless let down. Here's another question to add to that list:

Have I brought this all upon myself?

I Want/Need...

I want/need this sunburn to go away.

I want/need to start today over again.

I want/need to have a cuddle session with my boyfriend.

I want/need auditions to be over with.

I want/need to decide what I'm going to do with the rest of my life.

I want/need these posters to stop falling off my walls.

I want/need my room to organize itself.

I want/need things to go right for once.

A Want And A Need

I miss you. I know there's a lot going on right now, but I miss you. I don't want to be pushy or encroach on your space. I don't want to seem needy or unhappy. I don't want to push you away. I like you. I like you a whole lot. And all I really need is to hear your voice and be wrapped in your wonderful embrace.

This Might Be Blunt But...

I'm waiting. Not for infatuation, not for love, for marriage. It's a personal choice that I made a long time ago and it's something that I want to stick by. Have I thought of going back on that? Sure, I think everyone has. But I made a promise to myself and I don't intend to break this one.

I'm scared. I'm scared that I will go back on this promise and then the worst will happen. That'd be just my luck. Seriously, I have the WORST luck out of anybody in the world. I'm also a mega worrier and I have a very hard time forgiving myself when I screw up. I'm scared because I really like this one and it could be very easy to compromise with him. Not that he's pressuring me. It's just....I don't know. It could be easier with this one.

I've put some safeguards up to protect myself. I don't think they're too extreme. And I pray that they will be respected. I'm just scared and really don't know what else to do.

Not too Proud of This

Okay, so I'm jealous. It's not that I want all your time or that I'm needy or clingy or anything. I want you to go and spend your time doing that amazing thing you're doing. I am SO proud of you! You have no idea how much. But I am a bit jealous.

::Big breath:: Things will be better, I know they will. I just need to learn patience.