Here’s the thing. I know I’m messed up. I know that things aren’t right with me. And I even know several things that I could be doing differently to help change the situation I now find myself in. However, I cannot make myself do any of them.
I know that I need to get more sleep.
I know that I need to start reading, praying and going to church.
I know that I need to take my medicine.
I know that I need to make myself do these things, but I have absolutely no desire to do any of them.
Although I am constantly uncomfortable, I am comfortable in this state (if that makes any sense at all).
I am unmotivated. There are other things I’d rather be doing. And though I cognitively know that I am making the wrong decision, I am unable to make the right one. I want to change, I really do, but something is inhibiting me from actually doing it.
So, what the hell do I do? And don’t tell me to choose one of these things and start doing it. Because I’ve already tried it and it doesn’t work (at least not long term).